16. You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.
15. You turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones.

14. You read the obituaries to find eligible women.

13. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street.

12. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work

11. College kids call you mister.

10. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

9. A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens.

8. After painting the town red, you need to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

7. It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night long.

6. You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions.

5. After climbing the ladder of success and reaching the top, you realize that it was leaning on the wrong wall.

4. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

3. The best part of the day is over when the alarm clock rings.

2. All the names in your little black book end with MD.

1. You get all your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercised.

(c) 2000 AMMO Pictures